Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
The moon tonight is, simply, a white note
adrift, spinning. It patiently tracks the breeze
on the edge of genesis, floating in motes

               of static. On the surface, it seems at ease.
               Light filters through oak leaves and coats
               its thrall, the summer heat's slow weave

through the river's margins to the throat
of the sea. Small fish leap up to tease
the moon tonight. Simply, this white note

               rotates its body like thread released
               from reel, alters its position over nodes
               of static on the surface. It seems at ease.

In this version of heaven, the harbor's boats
compose as they do, hulls tucked under lees
near the bluffs' edges, geneses afloat in motes

               of stone. Waves disperse like seedlings
               against the mainstays. Masts stand devoted
               in their thralldom. Heat slowly weaves

the sheaves together, allows them to exude
their grasp of rhythm before Earth's marquise,
The Moon. Tonight is simply a white note,

               sparsely pearled and reticent. It receives
               the key's shift naturally. Sinks into mute
               veils of static on the surface. At ease,

each celestial drifts along its sloped road,
guided by the low sky's gamut of color, chaste
ribbons atop ocean's edge. This genesis, moat

               of stars en route to another night, bequeaths
               nothing. Its body's erosion hastens, is cloaked
               and resigned to thralldom. Sun's heat weaves

the moon and tonight into a single white note
afloat on the edge of dawn's genesis, faded moit
of static. On the surface, it hardly seems at ease
with thralldom, lost forever in heat's slow weave.
Hear me reading this poem: osiristhrasher06.tumblr.com/po…



In my ongoing experimentation with villanelle, I believe I have created a new variation on the form. I call it the nested villanelle.

There have been several double villanelles written throughout history, where a person simply takes the form and writes two explicit iterations back to back; however, the nested villanelle is different because it takes two villanelles and weaves them together to create a single composition, with the second villanelle being indented to signify the difference between the two.

I have come up with three different variations on my form, but the one I employed here is the fundamental form:

A1                  ___
b                      |
A2                    |
                       |
     B1               |
     a                 |
     B2               |
                        |
a                      |
b                      |
A1                    |
                 PROPOSITION (i.e. introduction of problem, argument or question)
     b                 |
     a                 |
     B1               |
                        |
a                       |
b                       |
A2                     |
                         |
     b                  |
     a                  |
     B2                |
                         |
a                       |
b                    -----
A1 (a turn, or volta, is placed here)

     b                ___
     a                  |
     B1                |
                         |
a                       |
b                       |
A2                     |
                 RESOLUTION
     b                  | 
     a                  |
     B2                |
                         |
A1                     |
A2                     |
B1                     |
B2.                 -----


The effect of the variation, I think, is unique. The expansion on the initial form allows the poet to greatly extrapolate on rhyme and theme, while keeping the rhythmic, serene quality that is inherent to the villanelle.

I don't believe I've ever seen a variation on the form that bears resemblance to this nested form, and I think it's actually really exciting to say I created a new type! (Though, if I am mistaken and you find a nested villanelle that was created before this one, please let me know!)

The form is pretty difficult to tackle—I've been writing this one on and off over the course of the last three months—but it is highly rewarding and pretty fun, should you attempt it.

I hope you all enjoy and am really eager to hear what everyone thinks! If you have any questions about the variation, please don't hesitate to ask. :)


-J
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2012-08-25
Into the Light by ~jswebb Experimenting with fixed forms can be tricky, but ~jswebb has managed to conduct this wonderful experiment worth taking a look at. ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconreasonbear:
ReasonBear Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Professional General Artist
Earth's moon doesn't turn. What planet were you writing from?
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015   Writer
Yes, Earth's moon does indeed turn, at the same rate it takes to orbit the planet.
Reply
:iconreasonbear:
ReasonBear Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Professional General Artist
Sorry - I thought speed and therefore motion were relative. Don't worry - nobody else can see it either. Even the difference between true Light and mere reflection is almost impossible to distinguish for most people, so we tend to ignore the obvious in general. The fact that you gave me a Googled (reflected) rather than a genuine, personal answer is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

Does the moon LOOK like it's spinning? Real World Answer - it absolutely does NOT! Nobody on Earth sees a moon that spins! How can such a visceral misconception be so ubiquitous among all our media? (not just yours)

I'm picking on you for good reason, and You should be anything but offended (we each know only what we're taught) - I'm actually practicing to take on people like Steven Hawkins, Stanley Kubrick and Ridley Scott. If you feel anything at all in relation to my challenge - know that it's love - no matter how you choose to call it.
Reply
:iconderiveanemone:
DeriveAnemone Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: That is all.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014   Writer
Much obliged. :heart:
Reply
:iconkyanitearcher:
KyaniteArcher Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I imagine waves rocking a boat back and forth as I read this. :)
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconcweebs:
CWeebs Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013  Professional Writer
Again, Justin, this is mighty impressive. The flow and cadence are excellent. There's a musicality to your writing that many poets don't possess. I'm a big fan. I've never tackled a villanelle, let alone created a unique variation of my own, nor would I even know where to begin in attempting such a project. You're a very skilled writer and I enjoy the work you've composed here.

When I have access to a computer that plays sound I'll give it a listen as well and let you know what I think of your work as read aloud. Even written, though, it's a beautiful piece. Thank you for linking me to it.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013   Writer
Many thanks for the kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and offer your kind thoughts.
Reply
:iconrealartizt:
realARTIZT Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Kudos

I've noticed, well, you must like the 'sound' of words more so than just to read through like most do. You create almost a symphony, each line melodic and meaningful. This was like reading music. It had me going line to line then I realized "hey, this has a pace to keep to". I decided not to push play on the audio file you provided, but I believe I heard it all the same.

Magnificent. -#SayItHere
Reply
:iconwilbiepig:
wilbiepig Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
You have inspired me to write an anthology consisting only of "nested villanelles."
I have already written two, except my version allows for the reader to read the poem as two separate villanelles or as one nested villanelle.

The non-indented stanzas serve as one villanelle.
The indented stanzas serve as the other.
The poem is written just as yours is written, so that it can be read as one "nested villanelle."

Thank you for creating such a unique form of poetry!
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012   Writer
Thank you for reading! It's very exciting to hear you've attempted the form yourself - I'd love to read your pieces. :)
Reply
:iconperahn:
Perahn Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Oh, wow. I can't imagine how much work you must have put into this, and yet it all sounds so natural.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012   Writer
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It did take a long while to come up with the form and to implement it, but it was a worthwhile experience. :)
Reply
:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
very interesting layout. I love the descriptions and the use of intense words in this. very nice
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012   Writer
Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
welcome (:
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012  Student General Artist
I love it! It's a beautiful form you've invented, and it sounds quite cool.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012   Writer
Very glad you like it! Thanks for reading and commenting. :)
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome!!! :D
Reply
:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: Congratulations, Justin! Definitely worthy of that DD :)
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012   Writer
Many thanks, Lili! :)
Reply
:iconfrozen-fyre:
frozen-fyre Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
"The effect of the variation, I think, is unique. The expansion on the initial form allows the poet to greatly extrapolate on rhyme and theme, while keeping the rhythmic, serene quality that is inherent to the villanelle."

I was about to say something to this affect.

When I first began to read this poem, I was completely drawn in by the imagery; then, I noticed the utterly unique (there is no other word for it) structure of this poem, and I was completely blown away. The way you managed the rhyme scheme, the beautiful form you created... be proud of yourself! I believe all of your hard work has paid off.

This poem is beautiful, but many things are beautiful and all those many things dilute the magnitude of the compliment. This piece is stunning.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012   Writer
I am glad you enjoyed the piece! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I hope you choose to peruse the rest of my work, and if you do, I hope you enjoy it equally as much. :)
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
It is nice to see such a deserving piece receive a DD. A golden-toned, inspired melody.
Thank you as always for sharing your words. :heart:
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012   Writer
And thank you as always for offering your kind words of encouragement. :)
Reply
:iconemgely:
emgely Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
pretty
Reply
:iconponybetch:
ponybetch Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
People looking to buy carebears, start your collection off with this awesome deal: [link]
Reply
:iconfrozen-fyre:
frozen-fyre Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
It's not cool to spam people's art with your advertisements. Seriously, come on. =/
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
Cool story—thanks for the info!
Reply
:iconladynaevia:
ladynaevia Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congrats on the DD! This is really an impressive piece.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
I am very glad you enjoyed it. Many thanks. :)
Reply
:iconshash02:
shash02 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student General Artist
loved it
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
I am very glad you did! Thanks for stopping by.
Reply
:iconhalcyal:
Halcyal Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
Structurally some darned impressive stuff (new or not). Strikes some poetically interesting notes, too.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
I'm very glad the piece worked for you. Thank you for stopping by and reading. :)
Reply
:iconhalcyal:
Halcyal Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
I'll admit that, for my personal tastes, I tend to like things to have a bit more anchoring focus. I find that having such lends strength to most types of poems, like a chime of significance that can ring back through the wider lattice. Indeed, writing a rhyme is one thing; writing a rhyme that means something is more (although it is also often one of the hardest things to actually achieve). Still, I know that plenty of people are quite fond of more nebulous works, where pretty colours and half-formed swirls can take them off to what interesting places they might (and pretty colours this has). I can also plainly recognize, irrespective of everything else, that tackling the kind of poetic scheme that you have, and doing so competently, was no small feat.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012   Writer
I understand completely, and I respect your opinion and personal taste. I have many free-verse poems in my gallery that are very concrete in nature, and should you do so, I think you may enjoying reading them a great deal.

In any case, thank you for coming back and offering up intelligent, rational conversation. I do hope you'll take a look at some of my other works, as they vary in content and in form and may pique your interest and curiosity.
Reply
:iconsilvernium:
silvernium Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You have done so well with this! What an interesting form! I do hope to try it some time.

Congratulations on the DD :)
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
I would love for you to try using it! I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. :) Thanks!
Reply
:iconthecynicalis:
TheCynicalis Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gorgeous....
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
Thanks very much for reading and commenting. :)
Reply
:iconthecynicalis:
TheCynicalis Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Quite welcome~ It was my pleasure.
Reply
:iconpier101:
pier101 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
very beautiful. its a bit difficult to read at first, but i think that works in it's favor.
you really have to pay attention as you read it, and you catch all the little nuances that you might not have otherwise.
it's well written and paints a beautiful picture in the mind.

congrats on the DD, its well-deserved
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
I'm very glad you enjoyed the piece. Thank you for stopping by.
Reply
:iconshunsuixnanaofan101:
shunsuixnanaofan101 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
It's beautiful, something that could be said as a lullaby, or a prelude to a tale that had been lost in translations of time.

But it's soothing and tranquil and elegant, that much remains secure.

Firstly - I am a complete novice at such things as poetry and meter; whenever I write my own poetry, it is done with no sense of structure whatsoever.

So now I must ask something that has sparked my curiosity -

Is the repetition of some words, or the constant sound of them (weaves, motes, moats, at ease) intentional and expected in a villanelle?

When reading aloud, it's quite noticeable - and it helps with some bit of connection between stanzas, if that was what you were aiming for. ^_^

Fabulous job; congratulations on the Daily Deviation!
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
Well, the villanelle is a form of poetry that utilizes meter, structure and rhyme (or a combination of these three things). The use of refrain (stating the same lines or lines using monorhyme, slant rhyme or homophones) and the skeletal structure of the form act as a soft droning, almost dream-like in lucidity. That is one of the things for which the villanelle form is best known.

Wikipedia has a very good article on the form. You may find it here.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I'm very glad you enjoyed the piece.
Reply
:iconherzeleid31:
herzeleid31 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student Writer
Your changes to the form are interesting. I don't get a sense of a structured metre and you alter the refrains which are supposed to remain exactly the same, but change meaning as the poem progresses. You use diction which is essentially archaic, which I think takes away from the rest of the poem, especially since you do not have a strong narrative or concrete language and imagery which would otherwise overpower any use of those terms such as "bequeath." Overall, I think the nesting doesn't serve an effective purpose. Why did you decide to put it this way on the page? The reason you most likely have never seen a "nested" villanelle is because in poetry, you must justify any placement of your poem on the page beyond, "I liked the way it looked," or "I dunno." This is a great start, but I am just not certain your changes to the form help the poem be more effective and resonating in the end.
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   Writer
Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read.

I appreciate the fundamentalist approach to form, but even traditional villanelle don't have to have an established meter. Many traditional examples do, but I don't think it's a sufficient condition one would need to write a successful poem in the form.

Also, while classic villanelle adhere to stringent mono-line refrains, more recent poets and New Formalist poets have tried to experiment with villanelle through alteration. Examples of this include Elizabeth Bishop's "One Art" and Gary Dop's recently published "Digital Killed the Video Store". For an example of extreme experimentation on traditional villanelle form, there is (I think) no better example than e.e. cummings' piece, in Just-.

As for layout, I chose to display the piece in this manner because I feel that the appearance aids in reading the piece and because, for this poem's content, the shape mimics the soft meander of the poem's language, almost like a slow-moving brook. If another nested villanelle example needed another shape or way of being displayed, I think altering the skeleton is fine. I don't think I made the poem look like this just because "I dunno," and I don't think the only reason we've never seen a nested villanelle is because this variation is, at its core, arbitrary. It could just be that nobody has ever thought to repeat and meld iterations together in this manner.

Most importantly, I want to thank you for voicing your opinion. I understand that not everyone is going to agree with my use of form or enjoy everything about a piece, and hearing counterpoint helps me refine both my technique and my poems. This is the first nested villanelle I composed, so I was treading in uncharted waters; however, I think flexibility and ingenuity are two of the most important aspects of art, and I think they are integral parts behind how art forms evolve. That, I believe, is the importance of experimentation. :)
Reply
:iconmastercrow666:
MasterCrow666 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nice (: I always like it when I come across something that tries and succeeds to break free from traditional fixed forms and create something unique that isn't a chaotic mess of poorly placed words and broken sentences.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconjswebb: More from jswebb


Featured in Collections

writing by hunting-shadows

Poetry by Liuva-Lez-Heva

writing by Kiyoko-mai


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 16, 2012
File Size
2.0 KB
Submitted with
Sta.sh
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
7,060 (2 today)
Favourites
173 (who?)
Comments
82
×