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About Literature / Artist Member Justin WebbMale/United States Group :iconelocutionists: Elocutionists
Artists of the Spoken Word
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“Ellie,” I say, “I can’t do this.”

She tugs my arm. “Please, Blithe, please. I can’t anymore. I can’t.”

Her left leg has found its way out from beneath the bedding, and the smells of decaying flesh consume the air in the room. The gangrene has taken every toe. It slowly works its way up her foot. Some of the blisters have reopened, staining the sheet with viscous fluid.

Ellie moans. “I can’t,” she starts. “I can’t, I can’t.”

Killing is difficult. Watching a loved one suffer is killing. It is a slow go. Wondering how the singularity will arrive, waiting for it to arrive, is unbearable. Every muscle in the body contains a memory of time spent with that person. Open wounds.

With Ellie, it is no different. As I sit beside her now, letting her squeeze my hand, all I have are memories. It has been a wonderful life in spite of all the hard things we have to endure here, at the end.

“What about the hospital?” I ask.

“No more,” she says, violently shaking her head. “I can’t.”

I stand and then kneel, reaching for my strongbox underneath the bed. I open the box and grab the revolver resting inside. Its cylinder and body shine. I’ve never used it. I’ve never had the need.

“Honey, I can’t do this. Ellie,” I say. She places her hand on my head. I look up from the gun to her. “I can’t go on without you.”

“Blithe,” she says. “Do it. Please.”

Rising to my feet, I place the gun’s grip in her hand and close her fingers. “I can’t, honey. I will stay with you, though. I promise.”

“Yes, you can, Blithe,” she says. “You’ve always taken care of me.” She loosens her grip on the handle, letting the gun fall on the mattress. “You’ve always taken care of me.”

“You’ll be okay, Ellie,” I cry. I bring her hand to my lips, kissing many times. “We can get help.”

She turns her head away. “I can’t. Take care of me, Blithe.”

I grab my pillow in one hand. “Turn to me, honey.”

She obliges, and I turn my body to face her, and we look upon one another. She blinks more slowly than normal, as if nodding to me. I place the pillow over her forehead and eyes.

She moans again. “Blithe.” She folds her hands atop the blanket, just above her chest. “We’ve had a good life together.”

“The best life,” I say. “The best life.”

Her body lurches. “Please, Blithe.”

I pick up the revolver and place the nose of the barrel onto the pillow’s face, pressing just enough to let Ellie know it is there. This gives her peace. She begins to hum "The Best Is Yet To Come." I know the tune. It is our wedding song.

I start to cry uncontrollably. “Please, Ellie, don’t. Don’t. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” she says softly between notes. “You can.” She writhes for a moment, clenching her teeth, tightening her muscles. Then, she is calm.

I click the gun’s hammer into place.

Ellie takes a deep breath. “Is this going to hurt?” she asks.

Without thinking, I quickly lean in and kiss her, wondering where all our kisses have gone. It wasn’t like this in the beginning. Everything had seemed far off, in another time and another world. And yet, here we now are, dangling precariously on one final phrase.

“You won’t feel a thing,” I say, backing my head away from hers. “You won’t feel a thing.”

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Where am I today? Where are you?
I ask myself this every solitary day
I awake into lightness. I love you,

Maribelle, I say, to the calm blue,
gulping as it rocks the stern. Today,
where I am is where the ares of you

are not. What I wouldn't give to argue
with you, Maribelle, over melon parfait,
but daily I rise in stale light. Love, you

are the reason I continue to pursue
the ends of this endless flat slate—
wherever I am today—to find you

where I left you, in my mind, as renewed
and mine as then, when we parted, okay
with away. O, lightness of love. You,

Maribelle, are the reason for this view
and reason enough to want to stay
where I am today, where you
let me wake, into light. I love you.
       one
dad

done
       son
       bad

one
     
      stun
stab

done
     
       gun
gag

one
won
      drag
     
      done
young

scrag

       
       one



done
Pride:a Villanelle
Experimental.

I have actually been working on this one for weeks.
I wanted to see how primitive I could go with the form while maintaining a cohesive story and struggle.

How does the piece work for you? Comments/critiques encouraged and appreciated.

Updated Sept. 9: Altered spacing and line breaks to hone effect.
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deviantID

jswebb
Justin Webb
Artist | Literature
United States
Bonjour et bienvenue! Je m'appelle Justin!

I am an editor by day, poet by life, and I am looking to make some friends along the way.

Please check out my gallery. Any comments and/or critiques are welcomed and appreciated.

Thank you for stopping by.

- J.

Visit: My personal orations
Visit: The deviantArt orations

Critiques


Ron, my friend, as per your request, I'd like to offer my thoughts on this piece of yours. As per the usual: If anything in here doesn'...


This piece is exceptional, Nic, and I have been thinking a great deal about it since you posted it. As is the nature of sound poetry, a...


Hello! I noticed that you asked for critique on this piece, so I thought I'd offer some of my thoughts on the reading. I think the best...


This was a really enjoyable read, Lili. There is a serenity that is acting as the poem's thread here, and it leaves the reader with a w...

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:iconei9:
ei9 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
 awesome poetry Justin my main man and I'm absoluety hooked. Keep doing what you been doing homeboy and Godspeed all the way!
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Are you married yet? :P
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(1 Reply)
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014   Writer
You have been selected as one of our Members of the Month at :iconword-smiths:! Congratulations on such great work; keep it up! 
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Google clued me in fiancée... I had no idea there were two spellings.
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:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I forgot to say but I saw your Wheel of Fortune come on tv in the university dining hall and I was freaking out because I was screaming "I know him!!" :lol:
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(1 Reply)
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